Have you ever thought, “what is it about me that attracts [insert type] of person? Do you ever think you seem to always attract a certain type of person? Is the type of person you think you are attracting is the type of person you do not want to be in a relationship with, but for some reason you keep finding yourself in relationships with that type of person? What if the person is selfish, unambitious, or even narcissistic? Have you ever thought, ‘I’m such a nice person, how do I end up with such selfish, self-absorbed person? Have you ever thought you deserve better or wondered how did you end up with someone that is so opposite of who you are or what you believe?

I know people wonder this because I hear people wonder this out loud all the time. I hear people wonder, I am such a nice person, what have I done to deserve this type of treatment. I would challenge that person to think a bit differently. I would challenge that person to think about what they believe internally about themselves or think about what you were shown growing up about how to honor yourself, your boundaries and most importantly, your heart.

Have you been taught to be of service to others? Have you been shown that in order to show your love to others you have to give selflessly? If you answered yes to either of these questions, then it is possible this is the reason these “types” of people keep coming into your life. You are unconsciously attracting them to you! It’s possible. Just consider that for a moment.

Some people who are givers come about this from years of practice. They come about this from years of being shown or told that being of service to others with no expectation of reciprocal treatment is okay. As the person gets older they try to seek out something better but they continuously get the same treatment that they are running away from they don’t know they are even running. Essentially, the person is running closer to what they are running away from and they don’t even know it. They may have been raised by selfish people and unconsciously they seek out these relationships time and again. Why? Because it is familiar. It is easy to find what you know you are used to looking for. It is harder to find something you’ve never had. So what is the solution?

You have to learn how to identify the new, happy, stress-free love you seeking. Acknowledge you have been attracting the very things you don’t want and figure out what you need to change within yourself to change this pattern. Then you have to heal and acknowledge that you may be subconsciously running towards what you would physically like to run away from. You have to be clear of what you want in your life and how it should show up in your life so that when something to the contrary appears, you can avoid it. You also have to become familiar with boundaries and what you plan to do when a person violates your boundaries.

We have to think higher of ourselves, what we offer to the world and what we believe we deserve. If you are afraid of true happiness, for whatever reason, then how do you think it is going to find you if you’re essentially hiding from it. The same applies to what you desire in a partner. If you don’t think you truly deserve an ambitious, determined, successful person how do you think you are going to attract that type of person. But if you expect to find the unmotivated person that you always have to help out in life, then how are you surprised when that person continues to walk in your life time after time? They knew how to find you by the invisible banner you had plastered on your forehead.

How do you know the banner is there? Take an inventory of the type of people that are in your life. Are these people encouraging, positive, ambitious? Or do they constantly deplete you, use your resources and leave you feeling empty and dismissed? Change yourself, change your environment, and get happy.