Tag Archives: family

Generational Curse or Changing the Pattern?

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I’ve often heard the phrase, “breaking a/the generational curse(s)” and it makes me think about how the language around this phrase should be changed. Why should it change or even matter to anyone? Well, I think that your words have power and if you give power to negativity, then what else is there for you to manifest? Why is it even called a generational curse? What is a generational curse?

A generational curse is something [I would imagine negative] that has been passed down from generation to generation. I’ve often heard to it referred to some bad trait or habit that multiple generations of people in a family have suffered through and (apparently) no one has been able to stop from happening. I’ve heard this in reference to all sorts of things like women in a family becoming pregnant in their teens, even going to jail. These among a litany of others are what I’ve heard being referred to as a generational curse. I think one of the first things one can do is acknowledge the behavior(s) or action(s) you want to change.

The next step is to make intentional efforts to do something different. It can be that simple. Each day be intentional about what you do, particularly if the pattern is something you want to change. Be kind to yourself and watch the language you use.

Words have power and you have to mindful of what you give your power to. Saying you are setting out to break a generational curse sounds like a daunting task and for some people, it can be too much to handle. You want to position yourself for success, not going out to slay a dragon. It is a pattern that you do not like and you’re taking steps to change it. I’m sure that sounds differently than breaking a generational curse. Anyone can change a pattern right?

The point is you want to be successful. You want this to work, so set yourself up for success. Change that pattern, take steps to move yourself in the direction you want to go everyday and before you know it, you’ll get there. Be consistent and continue to do it even when its hard and you don’t want to. In fact, lean in more during the times you feel hit the hardest. When you come out on the other side, you’ll be amazed at what you were able to accomplish.

Doing all these things like being kind to yourself, being consistent, changing your language are all tools to get you to your destination. You can do this with anything, not just changing familial patterns. Maybe you want to lose weight, start a business, or start a new career. All these things require the same recipe; changing your language, being kind to yourself, taking intentional steps to do something different, and consistency. Life if challenging enough, so to the extent you can do things to make tackling each day a bit easier for yourself do it because the goal is to accomplish your dreams, not struggle to reach them.

Family is what you make it

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Family. What does that word mean to you? Does family consist of the people you are related to? Does your familial circle include close friends? What about co-workers or others that you have a close relationship? How do you define your family? How does your family treat you? Are they loving? Do they support you? Are they sincere?

Have you ever felt hurt or betrayed by the acts of a family member? Have you ever thought, ‘We’re family, why would this person do or say that to me’? Have you put aside relationships with others like close friends or relationships based on your loyalty to your family only to be let down later? Have you felt taken advantage of or taken for granted by family, yet you remain based on your loyalty that has not been reciprocated to you?

Sometimes people get hurt because their relatives may not always act like family and when that happens, an individual can become conflicted and oftentimes hurt by the feeling of rejection from people they thought were supposed to love them unconditionally simply because they are family. If you’ve ever experienced this what do you do with those feelings? How do you resolve that relationship or does the relationship get resolved? Do you simply move on, now left to deal with your feelings of inadequacy all alone?

What if you didn’t have to deal with any of that? What if you realized you do not have to be in relationship with everyone in your family? What if you set boundaries for yourself that if you are not respected in any relationship, including family, that you no longer engage with that individual? What if you stood up for yourself and looked around at the “family” you have with the people who are in your life in ways outside of the traditional family structure?

Think about that good friend, who is always just a phone call away. That person who will listen to your fears and frustrations with a sympathetic ear. That person who affirms for you on a regular basis how wonderful, loving, kind, generous, and genuine you are. What if they tell you how great of a friend you are to them and that they are grateful to have you in their lives? Those people are out there. Those people that encourage your entrepreneurial spirit, career goals, educational accomplishments, and natural talents. I would challenge you to consider that those people are your family.

Think about it. Those wonderful, kind, thoughtful, and generous things you do for your family, you most likely do with other people in your life and they see it and they appreciate it. Even if you don’t necessarily “do” anything for them monetarily, but you are a good friend and they see and appreciate that. If you are a good person, you are a good person all the time there are people out there that appreciate you and they may not be a relative.

I challenge you to think about how those people pour love into your life and make sure you appreciate them. Do not put them to the back burner for someone who is a relative, particularly if they do not pour into you are you pour into them. Call those friends or send an unexpected text letting them know that you appreciate their presence in your life. Develop those relationships and distance yourself from negativity and abuse, even if they are relatives. All relatives, aren’t family and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can get to healthy relationships and the happiness we all deserve.

I’d love to hear your thoughts? Have you ever experienced a challenging relationship with a relative? How did you navigate that? Are you still in communication? Peace and happiness.