Tag Archives: happiness

Therapy is a beautiful thing

Uncategorized, , , , , ,

For those who know the benefits of therapy, you already know, but for those who don’t, hopefully this will give you a little perspective and something to consider. When I began a master’s in counseling psychology program, one of the graduation requirements is that you engage in at least 24 hours of your own personal psychotherapy. I thought this was a great requirement since I’d never attended my own personal therapy and had been wanting to start for quite some time. I think I considered therapy the same way a lot of people who have never actually been to therapy think, “Therapy is for people with REAL problems” or “Therapy is too expensive”. I did not know the depth of awareness I was able to achieve by dedicating a fifty (50) minute hour to self-healing.

What is actually so beautiful about therapy? I think the most beautiful gift is clarity. Clarity on anything you may be confused about in your life. Clarity on where you’ve been and hopefully where you are going. You truly get what you put into it and the more you bring of yourself, the more you get out of the process. Patterns repeat themselves in your life, particularly when you are not aware there is a pattern to be found. Therapy can help reveal those patterns in your life and if the pattern is harmful, you can get help from a professional in how you can change that pattern. Revealing the pattern can be therapeutic and help you move your life in the direction you want.

Do you think your problems are not big enough for therapy? If that is what you think, think again. You can go to therapy for anything you want to address in your life. Don’t ever think you are not deserving of a safe space because you are discounting your pain. Everyone’s journey through life is different and having a licensed professional with you shining the light ahead so you can see your way is no different than you providing that same light for someone else. Darkness is darkness and if you are feeling like you are in a dark place, the light or clarity provided by a therapist is just as important whether you are battling suicidal thoughts or having difficulty navigating the relationships in your life. Therapy is for everyone.

Another beautiful thing about therapy is the freedom to speak confidentially. Do you know how many people hold things in simply because they don’t trust anyone to talk to? In your therapist, you have a confidante (providing you don’t say something with the intention of harming yourself or someone else) and someone who will listen to you without judgment. How refreshing does that sound? That you can release your inner most thoughts, beliefs, and feelings and your words will never leave the comfort of the safe space you’ve helped to create between you and your therapist? Confidentiality is so important, especially when you are being vulnerable.

For those people who never seem to take time out to do something solely for themselves, consistently committing to therapy is a form of self-care. Although you are doing work and going through intense emotions, this is your time. I know people who think of everything they need to take care of before they take care of themselves. If you are a parent, that most likely, is compounded. This is time dedicated solely for the benefit of you so relax and take advantage of every minute. The entire time is about you. You control your session, you determine what you do or do not want to discuss. This time is truly all about you.

I can go on, but overall, therapy is for you. A safe space is essential for everyone, particularly right now. There are so many events that seem to take place on a daily basis that can take a toll on your emotions. People are angry, sad, confused, unhappy, and any other emotion you can think. In a world that seems to be falling apart at the seams, therapy is an opportunity to tighten the seams, at least until your next appointment, until one day you are able to sew and repair your own loose seams all by yourself.

Generational Curse or Changing the Pattern?

Uncategorized, , , ,

I’ve often heard the phrase, “breaking a/the generational curse(s)” and it makes me think about how the language around this phrase should be changed. Why should it change or even matter to anyone? Well, I think that your words have power and if you give power to negativity, then what else is there for you to manifest? Why is it even called a generational curse? What is a generational curse?

A generational curse is something [I would imagine negative] that has been passed down from generation to generation. I’ve often heard to it referred to some bad trait or habit that multiple generations of people in a family have suffered through and (apparently) no one has been able to stop from happening. I’ve heard this in reference to all sorts of things like women in a family becoming pregnant in their teens, even going to jail. These among a litany of others are what I’ve heard being referred to as a generational curse. I think one of the first things one can do is acknowledge the behavior(s) or action(s) you want to change.

The next step is to make intentional efforts to do something different. It can be that simple. Each day be intentional about what you do, particularly if the pattern is something you want to change. Be kind to yourself and watch the language you use.

Words have power and you have to mindful of what you give your power to. Saying you are setting out to break a generational curse sounds like a daunting task and for some people, it can be too much to handle. You want to position yourself for success, not going out to slay a dragon. It is a pattern that you do not like and you’re taking steps to change it. I’m sure that sounds differently than breaking a generational curse. Anyone can change a pattern right?

The point is you want to be successful. You want this to work, so set yourself up for success. Change that pattern, take steps to move yourself in the direction you want to go everyday and before you know it, you’ll get there. Be consistent and continue to do it even when its hard and you don’t want to. In fact, lean in more during the times you feel hit the hardest. When you come out on the other side, you’ll be amazed at what you were able to accomplish.

Doing all these things like being kind to yourself, being consistent, changing your language are all tools to get you to your destination. You can do this with anything, not just changing familial patterns. Maybe you want to lose weight, start a business, or start a new career. All these things require the same recipe; changing your language, being kind to yourself, taking intentional steps to do something different, and consistency. Life if challenging enough, so to the extent you can do things to make tackling each day a bit easier for yourself do it because the goal is to accomplish your dreams, not struggle to reach them.

Consistency is Key!

Uncategorized, , , ,

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Anything worth having is something you gotta work for”? I can hear that phrase repeating itself at various points in my life, particularly when the road got its roughest. I think this mantra is designed to motivate the repeater that better days are coming as long as they keep working at it [the goal] and remain consistent.

I think the difficulty with consistency is that you have to keep doing something even when you don’t see the results. The idea is that the end of the process, the individual would have achieved whatever they were working towards but what do you do when you are on the journey? When you haven’t quite reached that “final destination”. The journey is the consistency.

The journey is continuing to write when on average, only a handful of people are going to read it. The journey is practicing even when you aren’t a starter on the team. The journey is continuing to work a 9 – 5 job while you finance your dreams in the hope of something better. Continuing to work towards those goals consistently is the journey and that is the road you must travel to reach your goal or whatever that thing is that you’ve been working towards.

Don’t skip the journey. Don’t rush through it because you think the prize is at the end. The prize is the journey. The things you learned along the way, the lessons, the letdowns, the people you’ll meet, the celebrations are all part of the journey and part of what you will experience as you work hard. Think about it. Once you’ve reached the goal, essentially, you’re done right? You get to kick back and enjoy what you worked so hard for. You get to relax. Enjoy all the excitement that comes along the way. All those things are meant to prepare you for whatever comes next and you can master it all with consistency.

Consistency can be the grunt work, but it is necessary work to get you to the next level. Each notch you get closer towards your goal is due to you committing to your own success. Each notch is you choosing to put your personal happiness first because you are working towards something that you want and isn’t that a wonderful feeling to have? There are so many ways that life can rob you of happiness so you have to be committed to creating your happiness everyday. Be bold, be yourself, be happy, be consistent.

What can you learn from a good therapist?

Uncategorized, , , , ,

What do you think when you hear the word therapy? Is it something you’ve tried before? Is it something you want to try but you haven’t checked this off your to-do list? For some people there is an aversion to therapy but not because of a bad experience with a therapist, but because of a fear of the unknown. If you’re one of those people who have not yet tried therapy because for whatever reason, you’ve scared yourself from giving it a try, hopefully, I can enlighten and excite you about the benefits of therapy with a good therapist.

Let’s start off with the understanding that all therapists are not created equal. Some folks have to find the right therapist through trial and error, while others can find someone they work well with on the first try. Be mindful that you have to be open to this experience and it may not be a good fit with the first therapist you try but try again. How do you find a good therapist?

There is no one size fits all in terms of how to pick a therapist but some good things to look for are what is the therapists’ specialty? Or do they even have a specialty? Are you looking for someone who has experience in working with people of different ethnic or religious groups? Or maybe you aren’t religious at all? Looking for someone who has experience working with the LGBTQ community? Do you want your therapist to be part of the LGBTQ community? There are so many filters you can apply when looking for a therapist. Don’t be overwhelmed and start generic and maybe narrow things down as you continue your search.

Once you’ve actually decided on a therapist and you are actively going, what can they do to benefit your life? Well, one of the most beneficial factors to consider is you have the opportunity to speak with someone who is essentially sworn to secrecy, (providing you don’t confess you want to harm yourself or someone else). You have the freedom of being completely honest with yourself and your life experiences without worrying if the person you are venting to will go and tell the world once your conversation is over.

Another benefit is gaining insight into your individual thoughts and patterns from an objective perspective. Have you ever vented to a family member or friend and wondered if their opinion was objective advice or a regurgitation of whatever preconceived notions they may have already had about you or a particular situation you are describing? You can eliminate that guesswork when you engage in a therapeutic relationship. Imagine a licensed professional here to give you their opinion on whatever may be going on in your life, or give you a different perspective you may have never considered.

You can completely change your life, your perspective, and anything else you can imagine with the help of a therapist. Trying to understand why you always end up in the same type of relationship? Wondering about your relationship with certain family members or friends? Unresolved issues from your childhood? Or are you just looking for someone to talk to? All of these things and everything in between can be addressed with the assistance of a therapist. So if you’ve been considering going to a therapist, use this as another helpful push in that direction.

What are your thoughts? Have you thought about therapy but haven’t yet gone? What was stopping you? Did your opinion change after reading this? Interested to hear your thoughts, otherwise, go forth, work out your issues, and live life to the fullest!

Family is what you make it

Uncategorized, , , , , , ,

Family. What does that word mean to you? Does family consist of the people you are related to? Does your familial circle include close friends? What about co-workers or others that you have a close relationship? How do you define your family? How does your family treat you? Are they loving? Do they support you? Are they sincere?

Have you ever felt hurt or betrayed by the acts of a family member? Have you ever thought, ‘We’re family, why would this person do or say that to me’? Have you put aside relationships with others like close friends or relationships based on your loyalty to your family only to be let down later? Have you felt taken advantage of or taken for granted by family, yet you remain based on your loyalty that has not been reciprocated to you?

Sometimes people get hurt because their relatives may not always act like family and when that happens, an individual can become conflicted and oftentimes hurt by the feeling of rejection from people they thought were supposed to love them unconditionally simply because they are family. If you’ve ever experienced this what do you do with those feelings? How do you resolve that relationship or does the relationship get resolved? Do you simply move on, now left to deal with your feelings of inadequacy all alone?

What if you didn’t have to deal with any of that? What if you realized you do not have to be in relationship with everyone in your family? What if you set boundaries for yourself that if you are not respected in any relationship, including family, that you no longer engage with that individual? What if you stood up for yourself and looked around at the “family” you have with the people who are in your life in ways outside of the traditional family structure?

Think about that good friend, who is always just a phone call away. That person who will listen to your fears and frustrations with a sympathetic ear. That person who affirms for you on a regular basis how wonderful, loving, kind, generous, and genuine you are. What if they tell you how great of a friend you are to them and that they are grateful to have you in their lives? Those people are out there. Those people that encourage your entrepreneurial spirit, career goals, educational accomplishments, and natural talents. I would challenge you to consider that those people are your family.

Think about it. Those wonderful, kind, thoughtful, and generous things you do for your family, you most likely do with other people in your life and they see it and they appreciate it. Even if you don’t necessarily “do” anything for them monetarily, but you are a good friend and they see and appreciate that. If you are a good person, you are a good person all the time there are people out there that appreciate you and they may not be a relative.

I challenge you to think about how those people pour love into your life and make sure you appreciate them. Do not put them to the back burner for someone who is a relative, particularly if they do not pour into you are you pour into them. Call those friends or send an unexpected text letting them know that you appreciate their presence in your life. Develop those relationships and distance yourself from negativity and abuse, even if they are relatives. All relatives, aren’t family and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can get to healthy relationships and the happiness we all deserve.

I’d love to hear your thoughts? Have you ever experienced a challenging relationship with a relative? How did you navigate that? Are you still in communication? Peace and happiness.

How are you inventing your life today?

Uncategorized, , , , , , , , ,

The start of a new week means different things depending on your perspective. Some people start their Monday dreading going to work, unhappy with where they may be in life, and unmotivated. Another way to start the week is to look at the opportunities to change your life for the better or be appreciative of how well things are going and excitement for what may be to come. Regardless of your perspective, each day you have a chance to reinvent your life.

In the past, I would dread Mondays by Sunday night. I would think how much I didn’t feel like going to work and fantasize of my dream career. When I thought this way, my life seemed to be stuck in a rut. It was an endless cycle of uninspired frustration with no end in sight. How could I shift my mindset? How could I be inspired and happy about the start of the week as opposed to depressed about going to work in the morning?

One way to shift your mindset is to occupy your mind. Get your mind busy and focused on your own personal goals that you don’t have time to be upset about the things you may not like in your life. Start to identify the accomplishments that make your heart smile. Think about what you really want to do and start planning on how you’re going to get there. When you get busy on your goals, your mindset no longer has time to be negative because you will be working towards your goals.

Another way to shift your mindset is to take on a mindset of gratitude. There is always something to be grateful for and the more you practice thinking about the things that are going well in your life, you have less time to think about the things you don’t like. Also, focusing on gratitude sends vibrations to the universe that you like the good things and you want to keep those coming. You want to continue to feel those gracious moments and you appreciate what is going well. Again, maintaining this mindset helps you not only change your mindset but also put you on the path to reinventing your life. Hopefully, you are starting to see the pattern here. First step to reinventing your life is to change your mindset, identify goals, get a plan in place to achieve those goals and finally, get to work. Doing all these things helps you reinvent your life. It will start you on a path to happiness because you will be pursuing your goals. It is not easy but it is a journey. Remember to enjoy the journey along the way because happiness is a choice, not an automatic occurrence.

Manifest the life you want to live!

Uncategorized, , , , , , , , ,

I use Sundays as a time for reflection. It is an opportunity to think on the prior week and plan for the upcoming week. The prior week can seem like a blur. There can be a lot to absorb and distract you from your personal goals. Your emotions may have been pulled in so many different directions. Anger, frustration, fear, anxiety, uncertainty, or at this point, detachment. No matter the emotion it is exhausting to manage the cycle our body goes through with each emotion felt. Due to the recent challenges I think we’ve all experienced in some way, I challenge you once more to something that is in your best interest.

I challenge you to think about the direction your life is headed. Is this the direction you planned? Has your life veered off in some way that is now foreign to you? Are you truly living the life you want to live? Some of the things people most desire to have, or to improve in their life are money, a loving relationship, a successful job, great health, nice house, and a new car. Most people just dream about these things, but never actually obtain them. What people don’t realize is that all of these things can be theirs through the power of manifestation.

Manifesting ones desires is a science. There are laws that govern the process of materializing wishes seemingly out of nothing. Once these laws are complied with, anyone can make their dreams a reality. This may seem very unbelievable to some, but the truth is it’s very real. Believe that you deserve it and then work towards what you believe. You’ll be surprised at the way the universe responds to what you put out there. You’ll also be surprised at the way distracting yourself with more positive thoughts will change your outlook on life.

The Law of Abundance- Everything you desire begins in your mind and it is the mind that brings these thoughts to life. Your outer state of being is the manifestation of your thought. Therefore, to obtain the things you desire, you have to first set your mind to it. Vital self-empowerment skills will help you mentally transform a thought into a material manifestation. You will learn how to change your expectations in order to change your life. We live in a Universe of abundance, although most others appear to view it as a Universe of scarcity. Thoughts such as others are more talented, more deserving, and more gifted than you only hinder you from living abundantly. If you are possess these same thoughts, don’t worry, there is hope for you! You can learn skills to activate self-actualizing power through these Laws to live with wealth, financial freedom, and success.

Abundance does not mean mere accumulation of material wealth. Happiness, peace of mind, harmony, optimal health, being in loving relationships, and having a strong sense of your True Self are also part of this universal abundance. This abundance comes into a person’s life only when he facilitates its free flow from him and through him. There are also other ways to increase abundance in your life. Add time to your day, simplify, or make a difference in the world.  For example, volunteer work and meditation are good ways to increase abundance. Be more open-minded and open to new possibilities. Try to only surround yourself with positive influences such as people and things.

Take control of your thoughts and start manifesting your desires today!

Bad Relationships – Is it what you attract or something deeper?

Uncategorized, , , , ,

Have you ever thought, “what is it about me that attracts [insert type] of person? Do you ever think you seem to always attract a certain type of person? Is the type of person you think you are attracting is the type of person you do not want to be in a relationship with, but for some reason you keep finding yourself in relationships with that type of person? What if the person is selfish, unambitious, or even narcissistic? Have you ever thought, ‘I’m such a nice person, how do I end up with such selfish, self-absorbed person? Have you ever thought you deserve better or wondered how did you end up with someone that is so opposite of who you are or what you believe?

I know people wonder this because I hear people wonder this out loud all the time. I hear people wonder, I am such a nice person, what have I done to deserve this type of treatment. I would challenge that person to think a bit differently. I would challenge that person to think about what they believe internally about themselves or think about what you were shown growing up about how to honor yourself, your boundaries and most importantly, your heart.

Have you been taught to be of service to others? Have you been shown that in order to show your love to others you have to give selflessly? If you answered yes to either of these questions, then it is possible this is the reason these “types” of people keep coming into your life. You are unconsciously attracting them to you! It’s possible. Just consider that for a moment.

Some people who are givers come about this from years of practice. They come about this from years of being shown or told that being of service to others with no expectation of reciprocal treatment is okay. As the person gets older they try to seek out something better but they continuously get the same treatment that they are running away from they don’t know they are even running. Essentially, the person is running closer to what they are running away from and they don’t even know it. They may have been raised by selfish people and unconsciously they seek out these relationships time and again. Why? Because it is familiar. It is easy to find what you know you are used to looking for. It is harder to find something you’ve never had. So what is the solution?

You have to learn how to identify the new, happy, stress-free love you seeking. Acknowledge you have been attracting the very things you don’t want and figure out what you need to change within yourself to change this pattern. Then you have to heal and acknowledge that you may be subconsciously running towards what you would physically like to run away from. You have to be clear of what you want in your life and how it should show up in your life so that when something to the contrary appears, you can avoid it. You also have to become familiar with boundaries and what you plan to do when a person violates your boundaries.

We have to think higher of ourselves, what we offer to the world and what we believe we deserve. If you are afraid of true happiness, for whatever reason, then how do you think it is going to find you if you’re essentially hiding from it. The same applies to what you desire in a partner. If you don’t think you truly deserve an ambitious, determined, successful person how do you think you are going to attract that type of person. But if you expect to find the unmotivated person that you always have to help out in life, then how are you surprised when that person continues to walk in your life time after time? They knew how to find you by the invisible banner you had plastered on your forehead.

How do you know the banner is there? Take an inventory of the type of people that are in your life. Are these people encouraging, positive, ambitious? Or do they constantly deplete you, use your resources and leave you feeling empty and dismissed? Change yourself, change your environment, and get happy.