Tag Archives: love

Family is what you make it

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Family. What does that word mean to you? Does family consist of the people you are related to? Does your familial circle include close friends? What about co-workers or others that you have a close relationship? How do you define your family? How does your family treat you? Are they loving? Do they support you? Are they sincere?

Have you ever felt hurt or betrayed by the acts of a family member? Have you ever thought, ‘We’re family, why would this person do or say that to me’? Have you put aside relationships with others like close friends or relationships based on your loyalty to your family only to be let down later? Have you felt taken advantage of or taken for granted by family, yet you remain based on your loyalty that has not been reciprocated to you?

Sometimes people get hurt because their relatives may not always act like family and when that happens, an individual can become conflicted and oftentimes hurt by the feeling of rejection from people they thought were supposed to love them unconditionally simply because they are family. If you’ve ever experienced this what do you do with those feelings? How do you resolve that relationship or does the relationship get resolved? Do you simply move on, now left to deal with your feelings of inadequacy all alone?

What if you didn’t have to deal with any of that? What if you realized you do not have to be in relationship with everyone in your family? What if you set boundaries for yourself that if you are not respected in any relationship, including family, that you no longer engage with that individual? What if you stood up for yourself and looked around at the “family” you have with the people who are in your life in ways outside of the traditional family structure?

Think about that good friend, who is always just a phone call away. That person who will listen to your fears and frustrations with a sympathetic ear. That person who affirms for you on a regular basis how wonderful, loving, kind, generous, and genuine you are. What if they tell you how great of a friend you are to them and that they are grateful to have you in their lives? Those people are out there. Those people that encourage your entrepreneurial spirit, career goals, educational accomplishments, and natural talents. I would challenge you to consider that those people are your family.

Think about it. Those wonderful, kind, thoughtful, and generous things you do for your family, you most likely do with other people in your life and they see it and they appreciate it. Even if you don’t necessarily “do” anything for them monetarily, but you are a good friend and they see and appreciate that. If you are a good person, you are a good person all the time there are people out there that appreciate you and they may not be a relative.

I challenge you to think about how those people pour love into your life and make sure you appreciate them. Do not put them to the back burner for someone who is a relative, particularly if they do not pour into you are you pour into them. Call those friends or send an unexpected text letting them know that you appreciate their presence in your life. Develop those relationships and distance yourself from negativity and abuse, even if they are relatives. All relatives, aren’t family and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can get to healthy relationships and the happiness we all deserve.

I’d love to hear your thoughts? Have you ever experienced a challenging relationship with a relative? How did you navigate that? Are you still in communication? Peace and happiness.

Manifest the life you want to live!

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I use Sundays as a time for reflection. It is an opportunity to think on the prior week and plan for the upcoming week. The prior week can seem like a blur. There can be a lot to absorb and distract you from your personal goals. Your emotions may have been pulled in so many different directions. Anger, frustration, fear, anxiety, uncertainty, or at this point, detachment. No matter the emotion it is exhausting to manage the cycle our body goes through with each emotion felt. Due to the recent challenges I think we’ve all experienced in some way, I challenge you once more to something that is in your best interest.

I challenge you to think about the direction your life is headed. Is this the direction you planned? Has your life veered off in some way that is now foreign to you? Are you truly living the life you want to live? Some of the things people most desire to have, or to improve in their life are money, a loving relationship, a successful job, great health, nice house, and a new car. Most people just dream about these things, but never actually obtain them. What people don’t realize is that all of these things can be theirs through the power of manifestation.

Manifesting ones desires is a science. There are laws that govern the process of materializing wishes seemingly out of nothing. Once these laws are complied with, anyone can make their dreams a reality. This may seem very unbelievable to some, but the truth is it’s very real. Believe that you deserve it and then work towards what you believe. You’ll be surprised at the way the universe responds to what you put out there. You’ll also be surprised at the way distracting yourself with more positive thoughts will change your outlook on life.

The Law of Abundance- Everything you desire begins in your mind and it is the mind that brings these thoughts to life. Your outer state of being is the manifestation of your thought. Therefore, to obtain the things you desire, you have to first set your mind to it. Vital self-empowerment skills will help you mentally transform a thought into a material manifestation. You will learn how to change your expectations in order to change your life. We live in a Universe of abundance, although most others appear to view it as a Universe of scarcity. Thoughts such as others are more talented, more deserving, and more gifted than you only hinder you from living abundantly. If you are possess these same thoughts, don’t worry, there is hope for you! You can learn skills to activate self-actualizing power through these Laws to live with wealth, financial freedom, and success.

Abundance does not mean mere accumulation of material wealth. Happiness, peace of mind, harmony, optimal health, being in loving relationships, and having a strong sense of your True Self are also part of this universal abundance. This abundance comes into a person’s life only when he facilitates its free flow from him and through him. There are also other ways to increase abundance in your life. Add time to your day, simplify, or make a difference in the world.  For example, volunteer work and meditation are good ways to increase abundance. Be more open-minded and open to new possibilities. Try to only surround yourself with positive influences such as people and things.

Take control of your thoughts and start manifesting your desires today!

Bad Relationships – Is it what you attract or something deeper?

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Have you ever thought, “what is it about me that attracts [insert type] of person? Do you ever think you seem to always attract a certain type of person? Is the type of person you think you are attracting is the type of person you do not want to be in a relationship with, but for some reason you keep finding yourself in relationships with that type of person? What if the person is selfish, unambitious, or even narcissistic? Have you ever thought, ‘I’m such a nice person, how do I end up with such selfish, self-absorbed person? Have you ever thought you deserve better or wondered how did you end up with someone that is so opposite of who you are or what you believe?

I know people wonder this because I hear people wonder this out loud all the time. I hear people wonder, I am such a nice person, what have I done to deserve this type of treatment. I would challenge that person to think a bit differently. I would challenge that person to think about what they believe internally about themselves or think about what you were shown growing up about how to honor yourself, your boundaries and most importantly, your heart.

Have you been taught to be of service to others? Have you been shown that in order to show your love to others you have to give selflessly? If you answered yes to either of these questions, then it is possible this is the reason these “types” of people keep coming into your life. You are unconsciously attracting them to you! It’s possible. Just consider that for a moment.

Some people who are givers come about this from years of practice. They come about this from years of being shown or told that being of service to others with no expectation of reciprocal treatment is okay. As the person gets older they try to seek out something better but they continuously get the same treatment that they are running away from they don’t know they are even running. Essentially, the person is running closer to what they are running away from and they don’t even know it. They may have been raised by selfish people and unconsciously they seek out these relationships time and again. Why? Because it is familiar. It is easy to find what you know you are used to looking for. It is harder to find something you’ve never had. So what is the solution?

You have to learn how to identify the new, happy, stress-free love you seeking. Acknowledge you have been attracting the very things you don’t want and figure out what you need to change within yourself to change this pattern. Then you have to heal and acknowledge that you may be subconsciously running towards what you would physically like to run away from. You have to be clear of what you want in your life and how it should show up in your life so that when something to the contrary appears, you can avoid it. You also have to become familiar with boundaries and what you plan to do when a person violates your boundaries.

We have to think higher of ourselves, what we offer to the world and what we believe we deserve. If you are afraid of true happiness, for whatever reason, then how do you think it is going to find you if you’re essentially hiding from it. The same applies to what you desire in a partner. If you don’t think you truly deserve an ambitious, determined, successful person how do you think you are going to attract that type of person. But if you expect to find the unmotivated person that you always have to help out in life, then how are you surprised when that person continues to walk in your life time after time? They knew how to find you by the invisible banner you had plastered on your forehead.

How do you know the banner is there? Take an inventory of the type of people that are in your life. Are these people encouraging, positive, ambitious? Or do they constantly deplete you, use your resources and leave you feeling empty and dismissed? Change yourself, change your environment, and get happy.

Mother/Daughter Relationships – How to mend a broken bond

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Recently, I saw a video clip of a young lady questioning how to reconcile the broken relationship between she and her mother. She mentioned their relationship had been “horrible” as long as she could remember. When she was asked about her parents relationship, the young lady mentioned that her parents were abusive to each other and they were no longer together by the time she turned five-years-old.

The advice she was given was that part of the reason her mother may be behaving this way towards her daughter could be due to the fact that she (daughter) reminds her mother of the father and that [apparently] bad relationship. The young lady was advised to continue to make an effort to patch everything up and mend fences with her mother.

While I understood where the advice was coming from because the person giving the advice stated they had a wonderful relationship with their mother, that would not have been my advice to someone that stated they’ve always had a horrible relationship with their parent. That would not be my advice to that young lady and I’ll explain why.

To continue to extend an olive branch and make a best effort to build or rebuild a relationship wit a parent, who is not invested in doing the same can be damaging to that individual both mentally and emotionally. While I think it can be a good idea to remain open and optimistic about the relationship getting better, there is no need to continue to try if your efforts aren’t being reciprocated. I think as long as she wants to build the relationship, she should definitely try to reach out and maybe attend therapy with her mother, but to continue to try with little to no effort on the part of her mother is not a good idea. Sometimes, you have to know when to let a relationship go particularly if it is not serving you in any way.

Overall, I got the impression that this young lady was hurt that her relationship with her mother was not better, particularly given the fact that she expressed her other siblings don’t see this version of their mother. To expect her, as the child, to continue to expose herself to further heartache and frustration is not fair. I think the person who bears the larger burden of repairing the relationship belongs to the parent and if that is not their desire, then that would tell the child how much they should be interested in rebuilding the relationship.

The emotional pain this young lady must feel from being essentially shunned by her mother for exact reasons she doesn’t even know if enough and to expect her to continue to expose that vulnerability in the hope that her mother will come around is not conducive to her mental well-being.

What are your thoughts? Have you had a difficult relationship with your parents? Did it improve? IF so, how did you make that happen?