Tag Archives: relationships

What can you learn from a good therapist?

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What do you think when you hear the word therapy? Is it something you’ve tried before? Is it something you want to try but you haven’t checked this off your to-do list? For some people there is an aversion to therapy but not because of a bad experience with a therapist, but because of a fear of the unknown. If you’re one of those people who have not yet tried therapy because for whatever reason, you’ve scared yourself from giving it a try, hopefully, I can enlighten and excite you about the benefits of therapy with a good therapist.

Let’s start off with the understanding that all therapists are not created equal. Some folks have to find the right therapist through trial and error, while others can find someone they work well with on the first try. Be mindful that you have to be open to this experience and it may not be a good fit with the first therapist you try but try again. How do you find a good therapist?

There is no one size fits all in terms of how to pick a therapist but some good things to look for are what is the therapists’ specialty? Or do they even have a specialty? Are you looking for someone who has experience in working with people of different ethnic or religious groups? Or maybe you aren’t religious at all? Looking for someone who has experience working with the LGBTQ community? Do you want your therapist to be part of the LGBTQ community? There are so many filters you can apply when looking for a therapist. Don’t be overwhelmed and start generic and maybe narrow things down as you continue your search.

Once you’ve actually decided on a therapist and you are actively going, what can they do to benefit your life? Well, one of the most beneficial factors to consider is you have the opportunity to speak with someone who is essentially sworn to secrecy, (providing you don’t confess you want to harm yourself or someone else). You have the freedom of being completely honest with yourself and your life experiences without worrying if the person you are venting to will go and tell the world once your conversation is over.

Another benefit is gaining insight into your individual thoughts and patterns from an objective perspective. Have you ever vented to a family member or friend and wondered if their opinion was objective advice or a regurgitation of whatever preconceived notions they may have already had about you or a particular situation you are describing? You can eliminate that guesswork when you engage in a therapeutic relationship. Imagine a licensed professional here to give you their opinion on whatever may be going on in your life, or give you a different perspective you may have never considered.

You can completely change your life, your perspective, and anything else you can imagine with the help of a therapist. Trying to understand why you always end up in the same type of relationship? Wondering about your relationship with certain family members or friends? Unresolved issues from your childhood? Or are you just looking for someone to talk to? All of these things and everything in between can be addressed with the assistance of a therapist. So if you’ve been considering going to a therapist, use this as another helpful push in that direction.

What are your thoughts? Have you thought about therapy but haven’t yet gone? What was stopping you? Did your opinion change after reading this? Interested to hear your thoughts, otherwise, go forth, work out your issues, and live life to the fullest!

Family is what you make it

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Family. What does that word mean to you? Does family consist of the people you are related to? Does your familial circle include close friends? What about co-workers or others that you have a close relationship? How do you define your family? How does your family treat you? Are they loving? Do they support you? Are they sincere?

Have you ever felt hurt or betrayed by the acts of a family member? Have you ever thought, ‘We’re family, why would this person do or say that to me’? Have you put aside relationships with others like close friends or relationships based on your loyalty to your family only to be let down later? Have you felt taken advantage of or taken for granted by family, yet you remain based on your loyalty that has not been reciprocated to you?

Sometimes people get hurt because their relatives may not always act like family and when that happens, an individual can become conflicted and oftentimes hurt by the feeling of rejection from people they thought were supposed to love them unconditionally simply because they are family. If you’ve ever experienced this what do you do with those feelings? How do you resolve that relationship or does the relationship get resolved? Do you simply move on, now left to deal with your feelings of inadequacy all alone?

What if you didn’t have to deal with any of that? What if you realized you do not have to be in relationship with everyone in your family? What if you set boundaries for yourself that if you are not respected in any relationship, including family, that you no longer engage with that individual? What if you stood up for yourself and looked around at the “family” you have with the people who are in your life in ways outside of the traditional family structure?

Think about that good friend, who is always just a phone call away. That person who will listen to your fears and frustrations with a sympathetic ear. That person who affirms for you on a regular basis how wonderful, loving, kind, generous, and genuine you are. What if they tell you how great of a friend you are to them and that they are grateful to have you in their lives? Those people are out there. Those people that encourage your entrepreneurial spirit, career goals, educational accomplishments, and natural talents. I would challenge you to consider that those people are your family.

Think about it. Those wonderful, kind, thoughtful, and generous things you do for your family, you most likely do with other people in your life and they see it and they appreciate it. Even if you don’t necessarily “do” anything for them monetarily, but you are a good friend and they see and appreciate that. If you are a good person, you are a good person all the time there are people out there that appreciate you and they may not be a relative.

I challenge you to think about how those people pour love into your life and make sure you appreciate them. Do not put them to the back burner for someone who is a relative, particularly if they do not pour into you are you pour into them. Call those friends or send an unexpected text letting them know that you appreciate their presence in your life. Develop those relationships and distance yourself from negativity and abuse, even if they are relatives. All relatives, aren’t family and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can get to healthy relationships and the happiness we all deserve.

I’d love to hear your thoughts? Have you ever experienced a challenging relationship with a relative? How did you navigate that? Are you still in communication? Peace and happiness.

Bad Relationships – Is it what you attract or something deeper?

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Have you ever thought, “what is it about me that attracts [insert type] of person? Do you ever think you seem to always attract a certain type of person? Is the type of person you think you are attracting is the type of person you do not want to be in a relationship with, but for some reason you keep finding yourself in relationships with that type of person? What if the person is selfish, unambitious, or even narcissistic? Have you ever thought, ‘I’m such a nice person, how do I end up with such selfish, self-absorbed person? Have you ever thought you deserve better or wondered how did you end up with someone that is so opposite of who you are or what you believe?

I know people wonder this because I hear people wonder this out loud all the time. I hear people wonder, I am such a nice person, what have I done to deserve this type of treatment. I would challenge that person to think a bit differently. I would challenge that person to think about what they believe internally about themselves or think about what you were shown growing up about how to honor yourself, your boundaries and most importantly, your heart.

Have you been taught to be of service to others? Have you been shown that in order to show your love to others you have to give selflessly? If you answered yes to either of these questions, then it is possible this is the reason these “types” of people keep coming into your life. You are unconsciously attracting them to you! It’s possible. Just consider that for a moment.

Some people who are givers come about this from years of practice. They come about this from years of being shown or told that being of service to others with no expectation of reciprocal treatment is okay. As the person gets older they try to seek out something better but they continuously get the same treatment that they are running away from they don’t know they are even running. Essentially, the person is running closer to what they are running away from and they don’t even know it. They may have been raised by selfish people and unconsciously they seek out these relationships time and again. Why? Because it is familiar. It is easy to find what you know you are used to looking for. It is harder to find something you’ve never had. So what is the solution?

You have to learn how to identify the new, happy, stress-free love you seeking. Acknowledge you have been attracting the very things you don’t want and figure out what you need to change within yourself to change this pattern. Then you have to heal and acknowledge that you may be subconsciously running towards what you would physically like to run away from. You have to be clear of what you want in your life and how it should show up in your life so that when something to the contrary appears, you can avoid it. You also have to become familiar with boundaries and what you plan to do when a person violates your boundaries.

We have to think higher of ourselves, what we offer to the world and what we believe we deserve. If you are afraid of true happiness, for whatever reason, then how do you think it is going to find you if you’re essentially hiding from it. The same applies to what you desire in a partner. If you don’t think you truly deserve an ambitious, determined, successful person how do you think you are going to attract that type of person. But if you expect to find the unmotivated person that you always have to help out in life, then how are you surprised when that person continues to walk in your life time after time? They knew how to find you by the invisible banner you had plastered on your forehead.

How do you know the banner is there? Take an inventory of the type of people that are in your life. Are these people encouraging, positive, ambitious? Or do they constantly deplete you, use your resources and leave you feeling empty and dismissed? Change yourself, change your environment, and get happy.