Tag Archives: self-care

Therapy is a beautiful thing

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For those who know the benefits of therapy, you already know, but for those who don’t, hopefully this will give you a little perspective and something to consider. When I began a master’s in counseling psychology program, one of the graduation requirements is that you engage in at least 24 hours of your own personal psychotherapy. I thought this was a great requirement since I’d never attended my own personal therapy and had been wanting to start for quite some time. I think I considered therapy the same way a lot of people who have never actually been to therapy think, “Therapy is for people with REAL problems” or “Therapy is too expensive”. I did not know the depth of awareness I was able to achieve by dedicating a fifty (50) minute hour to self-healing.

What is actually so beautiful about therapy? I think the most beautiful gift is clarity. Clarity on anything you may be confused about in your life. Clarity on where you’ve been and hopefully where you are going. You truly get what you put into it and the more you bring of yourself, the more you get out of the process. Patterns repeat themselves in your life, particularly when you are not aware there is a pattern to be found. Therapy can help reveal those patterns in your life and if the pattern is harmful, you can get help from a professional in how you can change that pattern. Revealing the pattern can be therapeutic and help you move your life in the direction you want.

Do you think your problems are not big enough for therapy? If that is what you think, think again. You can go to therapy for anything you want to address in your life. Don’t ever think you are not deserving of a safe space because you are discounting your pain. Everyone’s journey through life is different and having a licensed professional with you shining the light ahead so you can see your way is no different than you providing that same light for someone else. Darkness is darkness and if you are feeling like you are in a dark place, the light or clarity provided by a therapist is just as important whether you are battling suicidal thoughts or having difficulty navigating the relationships in your life. Therapy is for everyone.

Another beautiful thing about therapy is the freedom to speak confidentially. Do you know how many people hold things in simply because they don’t trust anyone to talk to? In your therapist, you have a confidante (providing you don’t say something with the intention of harming yourself or someone else) and someone who will listen to you without judgment. How refreshing does that sound? That you can release your inner most thoughts, beliefs, and feelings and your words will never leave the comfort of the safe space you’ve helped to create between you and your therapist? Confidentiality is so important, especially when you are being vulnerable.

For those people who never seem to take time out to do something solely for themselves, consistently committing to therapy is a form of self-care. Although you are doing work and going through intense emotions, this is your time. I know people who think of everything they need to take care of before they take care of themselves. If you are a parent, that most likely, is compounded. This is time dedicated solely for the benefit of you so relax and take advantage of every minute. The entire time is about you. You control your session, you determine what you do or do not want to discuss. This time is truly all about you.

I can go on, but overall, therapy is for you. A safe space is essential for everyone, particularly right now. There are so many events that seem to take place on a daily basis that can take a toll on your emotions. People are angry, sad, confused, unhappy, and any other emotion you can think. In a world that seems to be falling apart at the seams, therapy is an opportunity to tighten the seams, at least until your next appointment, until one day you are able to sew and repair your own loose seams all by yourself.

What can you learn from a good therapist?

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What do you think when you hear the word therapy? Is it something you’ve tried before? Is it something you want to try but you haven’t checked this off your to-do list? For some people there is an aversion to therapy but not because of a bad experience with a therapist, but because of a fear of the unknown. If you’re one of those people who have not yet tried therapy because for whatever reason, you’ve scared yourself from giving it a try, hopefully, I can enlighten and excite you about the benefits of therapy with a good therapist.

Let’s start off with the understanding that all therapists are not created equal. Some folks have to find the right therapist through trial and error, while others can find someone they work well with on the first try. Be mindful that you have to be open to this experience and it may not be a good fit with the first therapist you try but try again. How do you find a good therapist?

There is no one size fits all in terms of how to pick a therapist but some good things to look for are what is the therapists’ specialty? Or do they even have a specialty? Are you looking for someone who has experience in working with people of different ethnic or religious groups? Or maybe you aren’t religious at all? Looking for someone who has experience working with the LGBTQ community? Do you want your therapist to be part of the LGBTQ community? There are so many filters you can apply when looking for a therapist. Don’t be overwhelmed and start generic and maybe narrow things down as you continue your search.

Once you’ve actually decided on a therapist and you are actively going, what can they do to benefit your life? Well, one of the most beneficial factors to consider is you have the opportunity to speak with someone who is essentially sworn to secrecy, (providing you don’t confess you want to harm yourself or someone else). You have the freedom of being completely honest with yourself and your life experiences without worrying if the person you are venting to will go and tell the world once your conversation is over.

Another benefit is gaining insight into your individual thoughts and patterns from an objective perspective. Have you ever vented to a family member or friend and wondered if their opinion was objective advice or a regurgitation of whatever preconceived notions they may have already had about you or a particular situation you are describing? You can eliminate that guesswork when you engage in a therapeutic relationship. Imagine a licensed professional here to give you their opinion on whatever may be going on in your life, or give you a different perspective you may have never considered.

You can completely change your life, your perspective, and anything else you can imagine with the help of a therapist. Trying to understand why you always end up in the same type of relationship? Wondering about your relationship with certain family members or friends? Unresolved issues from your childhood? Or are you just looking for someone to talk to? All of these things and everything in between can be addressed with the assistance of a therapist. So if you’ve been considering going to a therapist, use this as another helpful push in that direction.

What are your thoughts? Have you thought about therapy but haven’t yet gone? What was stopping you? Did your opinion change after reading this? Interested to hear your thoughts, otherwise, go forth, work out your issues, and live life to the fullest!

Bad Relationships – Is it what you attract or something deeper?

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Have you ever thought, “what is it about me that attracts [insert type] of person? Do you ever think you seem to always attract a certain type of person? Is the type of person you think you are attracting is the type of person you do not want to be in a relationship with, but for some reason you keep finding yourself in relationships with that type of person? What if the person is selfish, unambitious, or even narcissistic? Have you ever thought, ‘I’m such a nice person, how do I end up with such selfish, self-absorbed person? Have you ever thought you deserve better or wondered how did you end up with someone that is so opposite of who you are or what you believe?

I know people wonder this because I hear people wonder this out loud all the time. I hear people wonder, I am such a nice person, what have I done to deserve this type of treatment. I would challenge that person to think a bit differently. I would challenge that person to think about what they believe internally about themselves or think about what you were shown growing up about how to honor yourself, your boundaries and most importantly, your heart.

Have you been taught to be of service to others? Have you been shown that in order to show your love to others you have to give selflessly? If you answered yes to either of these questions, then it is possible this is the reason these “types” of people keep coming into your life. You are unconsciously attracting them to you! It’s possible. Just consider that for a moment.

Some people who are givers come about this from years of practice. They come about this from years of being shown or told that being of service to others with no expectation of reciprocal treatment is okay. As the person gets older they try to seek out something better but they continuously get the same treatment that they are running away from they don’t know they are even running. Essentially, the person is running closer to what they are running away from and they don’t even know it. They may have been raised by selfish people and unconsciously they seek out these relationships time and again. Why? Because it is familiar. It is easy to find what you know you are used to looking for. It is harder to find something you’ve never had. So what is the solution?

You have to learn how to identify the new, happy, stress-free love you seeking. Acknowledge you have been attracting the very things you don’t want and figure out what you need to change within yourself to change this pattern. Then you have to heal and acknowledge that you may be subconsciously running towards what you would physically like to run away from. You have to be clear of what you want in your life and how it should show up in your life so that when something to the contrary appears, you can avoid it. You also have to become familiar with boundaries and what you plan to do when a person violates your boundaries.

We have to think higher of ourselves, what we offer to the world and what we believe we deserve. If you are afraid of true happiness, for whatever reason, then how do you think it is going to find you if you’re essentially hiding from it. The same applies to what you desire in a partner. If you don’t think you truly deserve an ambitious, determined, successful person how do you think you are going to attract that type of person. But if you expect to find the unmotivated person that you always have to help out in life, then how are you surprised when that person continues to walk in your life time after time? They knew how to find you by the invisible banner you had plastered on your forehead.

How do you know the banner is there? Take an inventory of the type of people that are in your life. Are these people encouraging, positive, ambitious? Or do they constantly deplete you, use your resources and leave you feeling empty and dismissed? Change yourself, change your environment, and get happy.